To my mind, it shouldn't have been such a wild and crazy out-on-a-limb assumption that my husband was my friend. But apparently, it was an assumption that couldn't be made.
Nonetheless, I've learned that I have an embarrassment of riches in the friend department. People have opened their hearts, their homes, their ears, their arms... and let me know not only that I'm not alone but that I am loved. The biggest, darkest risk (it seems to me at this moment) of this divorce process is that it makes me feel humiliated and small and unlovable. But stacked against that is the other evidence -that people (some of whom have only "met" me on-line) are unfathomably generous and loving.
It's a little (okay, a lot) hard to be so abjectly on the receiving end of a friendship. It's not a bad lesson however. I could, for example, stop feeling unworthy and start saying thank you. What a thought.
Patrice
Jeanine
Mark
Marshall
Mom
Victoria
Nicholas
Becky
Tom and Terri
Mike
Mary
Lexy
Sharon
Beth
Suze
Marie
Barb
Beth
Clare
Mollie
Jo-Anne
Sandi
Joan
Kris
Carolyn
Penny
Terry
Lianne
Jill
Elisa
Sophie
Loretta
Sharon and Richard
Jeff and Jody
Elizabeth
Dave and Elizabeth
Lisa
And I'm sure I've forgotten someone -and as soon as I remember, I'll update the list. But really... how can a person feel totally down when there's a list like that? I love all of you. I am tirelessly grateful to each one of you.
And there's going to be a party December 14. I'll keep you posted, but save the date!
7 comments:
Sorry to bail on you this morning for Mass--I woke up with either a relapse of the old sinus thing or something brand now--around 9:15.
It's a mysterious and rewarding fact that the worst things that happen to us bring out some of the best things in our lives...
You are both loved and lovable. I see a whole lot of light in your future, too.
I am still crossing fingers and toes on the house situation.
Andrea, I am honoured and touched. You are so not unlovable and not a day goes by that I don't send a small hug and prayer your way.
It is a mystery to me (and saddens me)how the person we promised to love all the days of our lives turns into someone we no longer recognize nor were we to meet today with none of the history between us would we even be friends with. Puzzles me exceedingly.
But, with each passing day you will grow more comfortable in your own skin as the new person you are becoming and rediscover the small parts of the "you" we each give up when we become an "us" and discover new strengths you never even knew you had.
Hugs
Hi Andrea - Just a note to let you know I'm keeping up with you via your blog since I haven't been able to make it into the yarn store. I've been thinking about you...I'm sorry you came back under the circumstances you did (it sucks, no doubt about it) but we're glad to have you back. YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON. Hang in there...one day at a time...one day at a time....and knit...
Carolyn
I have to keep myself from hugging you to pieces. And I don't hug just anyone. Only the good souls who are in touch with their hearts.
Now, that does include dogs but I digress.......
I understand your feelings. It's all the chatter you have to go through. Look at it, let it pass through, and KNOW that you are better than all that chatter. At your core, you are pure love. Of this I am certain.
Lexy
After many years had gone by, and I thought I could look back at the past pretty objectively, I told my ex, that the only thing I would never, ever forgive him for was not remaining my friend, after all we had been through together. It will forever remain a mystery to me. You are still young, in mind and heart and have a lot of good times and love ahead of you. Stay hopeful!
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