Friday, November 30, 2007

Personal Pleasures

Have you read that book by Rose Macauley? Really, you should. In it, she has short little precis about things she loves. And she doesn't shy away from loving mutually exclusive things; "getting up" and "sleeping in" are on facing pages.

There's a connection here. Wait for it. My heart is still broken into a jillion little pieces. Last night was a bad night, in that Dave and I had a destructive, confusing, bitter e-mail exchange. One thing that's slightly better than it was a few weeks ago, though, is that I now realize that there are still good things about my life. I've gone on and on about my amazing friends and family -and I haven't done it enough, even now.

But I also realize that I need to chronicle the small things that are pleasures. Maybe there are even pleasures that were unavailable to me when I was married. (Well, technically, I'm still married, but that just seems to be a matter of time now.)

Sleeping with my socks on.

Yup. I've been doing that and it's lovely. In a probably vain effort to avoid complete frumpiness, I never slept with my socks on when I was sharing a bed with someone else. I just had visions of the middle-aged wife with her hair in curlers, green goo on her face, a flannel nightgown.... a vision of allure and sexuality. NOT! So I didn't want to go there, and socks in bed seemed like a good place to draw the line.

Who cares now? I crawl into my bed, slather green goo on my feet, put on my wool socks, and sleep warm and cozy all night long. Well, until 2 or 3:00, but I don't think there's a pair of socks that will fix that problem. It's amazing how warm I can be, even without a husband to warm up my cold feet. So there you are, a personal pleasure. I'll try to think of more as the weeks go on.


jill said...

Here are a couple:

- Doing what you want without checking someone else's schedule.

- Reading in bed as late as you like without worrying about keeping someone else up.

- Leaving the party when you like (or, staying at the party as long as you like).

Barbara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Barbara said...

I'm so sorry that Dave still can't behave in a civilized manner, even now that you are both heading in the same direction.

I'm glad that you get your life back: socks on and girly bed, rounded corners in the garden, and all.

(I had to edit this for spelling, so I deleted it and started again): I agree with Jill's pleasures, and here's another: eating what you like, when you like.

Millions more like that, about controlling your own schedule and your own life. There are pleasures in marriage (they tell me) and others (with which I am too familiar, perhaps) in being alone.

I love that you're coming to recognize the latter. It sounds so much better than the period of mourning and heartache in which I'd still be wallowing if I were you.

You're a model of sanity in an incredibly difficult time. Take pleasure in that, too.

breadchick said...

Oh sweetie (sigh)

I have four letter word for Dave; begins with "D" and ends with "K" but I digress..

Here's one that just dawned on me this week, this morning actually!!

Sleeping on the side of the bed you want to any time you want to or in my case, always wanted to but you compromised and took the other side!

And, as for the 2am and 3am wakings, a cup of tea, my favourite book, the cat curled at my feet or side were my constant companions the first couple months. Now at the cusp of December, I am finally past those hours. You will be soon, I promise.

Hugs and xxoo

Renee said...

I don't care how frumpy socks are or aren't. It doesn't matter what I'm wearing or not wearing, if I don't wear socks to bed, my feet get cold, and if my feet get cold, I can't sleep.

How about listening to whatever music you want in the car and not having someone else constantly changing the staion? (I broke up with a guy for that once. Well, that and he badmouthed my best friend.)

Kimberly said...

-Being able to keep food in the house (knowing what food is in the house).

-Being able to schedule workouts whenever you feel like it.

-Not having to go to parties with geeks that are not of your ilk
(I'm at philosophy workshop this weekend and thought of your descriptions of math parties. academics are such funny people. Nerdy and socially awkward, but funny.)

I'm with Renee--the socks are non-negotiable.

Kimberly said...

Hey, have you checked out The Happiness Project?

I found it through Lianne's blog, I think. You might like it. (I find it really helpful).

Lisa :-] said...'s definitely a start...

Suze said...

Leaving parties early without negotiation is a small pleasure.