Monday, September 19, 2005

What would I do today if I were brave?

Three women I know and love are GRAVELY ill. Please pray. Storm the heavens. Chant. Howl at the moon. Cross your fingers. Do whatever you do.

Now I know this needs to be about them and not me. I do. Really. But there is a weird confluence of events here. I knew about one of the women already. Yesterday I found out about the other two. And also yesterday there was another meme circulating about the things you want to do before you die.

That list has been circulating for bloody ever; long before there were blogs and memes, it would show up in in actual books with pages ;) So, I made a list of about 7 things and then I pulled myself up short. These women -who are roughly my age- might die. Well, everybody dies. I mean they might die prematurely. Which means I could, too.

I don't feel quite as terrified of that possibility as I did when I was younger and my children were younger. But still.... there are things I have left to do.

So, what would I do TODAY, if I were brave? At least for today, I don't think it would be anything big. I would be sad to discover at the end of my life that I hadn't celebrated my embodied self enough. I want to be able to do everything my body could be capable of. So I need to get to work on that. Today that means yoga and weights and a half hour of cardio -nothing amazing.

I'd be sad to discover that I'd lived and died in a messy, cluttered, inhospitable home. Isn't THAT a weird thing to realize? That I need to clean my house. Strange.

I think my important relationships are mostly strong, but I want to hold them gently today. And I hereby vow that when travelocity sends me those fare watcher messages that includes a city where someone I love lives, I'm going. It's not enough to think "wouldn't that be nice?".

And I'm going to send my friends e-mail to let them know I'm thinking of them, and remind them that they are not defined by their illnesses.

It's only a little bit brave, but it's a start.

"The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself."
-Anais Nin

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