Thursday, January 29, 2009

More Room to Grow

I really hope we're finished with this horrifying asset-division. It's time and past time for our interactions with each other to be over. As best I can tell, Dave and I will meet two more times: once to give him a check and again at divorce court. My guess is that both will occur in the next week or so, but scheduling is out of my hands in both cases.

Here's my dining room.
If you want to come over, you should bring a chair. Or be prepared for a picnic on the floor. I know the dining room furniture I want -at least part of it. But it's not as though the table I want exists at a furniture store. It will involve a crawl through antique stores, which is fun but time consuming.

It feels a little (but only a little) like the beginning of this process, when everything familiar and known was stripped away. This is not that kind of violation; I wanted the "stuff" of our married life to go away. But still... there's nothing in my dining room! That table where I fed babies and friends, where I cut out countless yards of fabric, and helped children learn to read... it's gone. The memories weren't in the table, for heaven's sake. And yet...

The disorienting dilemma of being suddenly and ruthlessly single led to this - a life that scares me frequently, challenges me always, and that I am learning to love. I'm starting to fly. I think I fret and muse about my house, my furniture, and my food because they ground me. They root me in a particular place and identify me in time. Without them, I am a little less clear who I am.

Which leads to kind of a lot of pressure to choose the right dining room table ;) What if I get somebody else's table by mistake? Here's the general idea.

It's not quite this, but the idea is a round table, with a pedestal, that has leaves so that it expands to seat more than four people. So I guess it would go from a circle to an oval. Questions? Comments?


Patrice said...

There is an awesome antique place just up the street from me. You'll like the name of's Kudzu's. Friends of mine own it. I'm going to look. If I see something I think you'll like I'll send a photo. Focus on shopping and you'll feel better. That's my motto.

Elizabeth said...

I feel like making you something for your empty space. It won't be soon, but it will be someday.

Sydney said...

Something tells me you are going to find YOUR table, and it will be just the right one. And if it's not, you will get another.

And I know what you mean about losing the other table, but you are wise to be able to know that the memories aren't in IT.

When I look at the blank space I see something fresh, inviting... a blank canvas, but one with all kinds of paints and brushes of yours gathered round it, at the ready.