I felt a little like Auntie Mame last night, waltzing (metaphorically) through the Christmas Faire at the DuPage County Fairgrounds. I went looking for Christmas presents; I really did. I meant to be selfless and organized and....
Yeah...well.... you can imagine how well that went. Instead, I found things that I could begin to turn into a Christmas for me and the people I love.
Last year, I hauled my sorry self to my brother's house and sort of watched the celebration of Christmas. I wasn't miserable, by any means; he and his family were warm and loving and patient with my emotional roller-coaster. But any decorating that happened at my own house happened because someone else did it. Remember the launch party? People came over and decorated, and that was the sum total of what happened in terms of Christmas decorating.
This year, I have the beginnings of a glimmer of a fleeting idea ;) I am going to get a tree. I am going to find new decorations that aren't emotionally laden for me -just thinking of some of the decorations stored in my attic can make me cry. I will send out Christmas cards. I will gently and slowly -or at whatever pace feels right- reclaim the celebration of Christmas in this house that is so great for Christmas.
And oh yeah.... I won't forget to go Christmas shopping for other people, too ;)
3 comments:
How difficult it would be to have Christmas tied to raw, stinging memories! You are absolutely doing the right thing by starting over and making new ones.
Since my daughter moved away, I seldom decorate. It seems so weird to do it just for myself. Also Christmas has always seemed a bizarre holiday to me. I love to make things and give them to people but the rest of the gross commercialism of it gives me a headache.
Christmas is the perfect season to start new traditions. We BOTH will this year, shall we?
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