Well, okay... It's a goal. You know and I know that I get impatient with myself when I can't fix things, make them right, in the time frame I believe to be appropriate -typically about 1/2 the time more rational minds believe is required. I look at things and see the undone and the not-yet-done, rather than the things I've accomplished.
I promise a complete life overhaul in this department. By tomorrow at 4, I will stop beating myself up.
No wait.... that's not right ;) It'll probably take until Thursday afternoon, anyway ;)
The truth is, I'm hanging on by my fingernails. But another true thing, that I've learned only in the last year, is that so is everyone else. They may look perfect, and their kitchens may be clean, but there's brokenness and need somewhere, because the human psyche is a fragile thing.
My list is long. The kitchen ceiling is in DIRE need of attention. I'm deeply afraid that my upstairs bathtub is going to fall through the ceiling, and I'll find myself bathing in the kitchen one fine day. I'm behind in my school reading. I haven't been getting to the gym as often as I would like. I have a sad, sad list of undone tasks.
Oh, whatEVER. There has to be a way to both be open to the possibility of fixing these life snarls while still being okay right now. I WILL fix these things. I will find a rhythm to my days and weeks. But honestly, I need to make my peace with the imperfect. I can dance with delight when small things go well. I can learn to let up with the abusive self-talk. I'm no worse off than everybody else, and there is still much at which to marvel.
I'm going to give it all a shot, anyway. I'll report back on Thursday ;)