Sunday, January 13, 2008

Crying in my Car

I spend a lot of time in my car. I have a 40 minute commute to work these days -except if I only allow 40 minutes it becomes a one-hour commute. It's some heretofore-unknown-to-me commuting law, apparently.

An unrelated fact (one would think) is that I hardly cry anymore. There for a while I was just a bucket of tears. I thought surely soon I would run out of salt water in my body. There must be a limit, I figured. These days, though, I'm mostly too busy to be sad.

But the minute I get in my car for the commute I get sad, and soon I start to cry. Sometimes it's a song on the radio. Sometimes I just have that "wouldn't it be nice to tell Dave about what happened at work?" feeling -which is followed immediately by the "he doesn't care" realization, which makes me cry. Or sometimes, I'm just exhausted and drained and frustrated that my life has come to this, and I cry over that.

But on the way to work today, I started to wonder if this is all just operant conditioning. Just like the ringing bell signaled imminent delivery of food for Pavlov's dog, maybe the car signals sadness for me. That journey of a thousand miles that began on October 8 (the one fleeing my marriage, I mean) involved quite a lot of crying in the car. Do you suppose that some prehistoric part of my brain thinks the car is the problem????

Would that it were so simple. But I'm up for the possibility that a new car would solve this problem ;) A cute little Mazda Miata, perhaps?


Anonymous said...

Maybe you could write a country song about it? Or listen to a mix of tacky country songs like "The whiskey isn't working any more." I once cried all the way to a counselor appointment each time I went. I have a very good movie for you to watch. Consider it a prescription for laughter. It's an Australian film called Love serenade. You will die laughing at the sleazy male character the female leads are enamored of, and all of his ridiculous utterances about love.

breadchick said...

How absolutely hysterical about the Miata, I mean not the crying. Because the very first thing I did when I left the W situation was decided that I would buy a new car and it would be a convertible because I had always wanted one and damn-it if I was going to go through this crap I was going to do it with the top down and the wind in my hair.

So, did I buy that convertible? No, but not because I didn't buy a new car but the kayak rack won't fit on top of the convertible top ;-)

Go ahead and buy yourself a new car. Just like a new bed, it is the symbol of the new you and obviously the old car has some bad memories. I think Red is the perfect color for a Miata :-)

Lexy said...

Momma Lexy will not let you buy a new car, a new bed, vacations cuz you deserve it, AND a villa vacation.
You're not Oprah, although you may end up on Oprah as the poster child for mid-life crises.

Snap out of it! You don't have the money! Now if you want a new car cuz you have a stinky car, that's OK.

I have a couple thoughts:
1) There is nothing to entertain you on your long commute so you ruminate. Get a book on tape to occupy your time.

2) You aren't in love with your job yet - it's all new and you're not sure you belong there yet or if you've made the right decision.

3) You have more tears to shed than you thought. So just cry until one day it stops. When George Burns was asked how long he mourned the death of Gracie, he said "as long as I had to."

Why am I preaching? Like I know the answers. How about this. You get the Miata, I'll drive with you somewhere and do my best to make you cry. Then you can give me the car cuz it wasn't the answer.

I'm liking this. ;)

Andrea Rusin said...

I have no real intention of buying a Miata. At least not anytime soon. I certainly can't go to Tuscany AND buy a Miata, and I'd rather go to Tuscany than have a new car. So there... decision made ;)

Anonymous said...

I just got a 2008 Miata (copper red). It's a great car, makes me smile even when it's been a rotten day at work. Just put the top down and go. If it's not raining, the top's down.

Lexy said...

Crap, I was hoping you'd get the car and I'd get Tuscany. ;)

Renee said...

Scott really loves his Miata, but they are not so good in snow. It's so light that even with chains on he just skittered around throwing up sparks. I guess loading a giant bag of kitty litter or bricks in the trunk would help, but then you'd have no room for groceries (and there goes the gas mileage).

OTOH, Dave would never even be able to consider asking to borrow your car again--he wouldn't fit in it!!!

Now, a cute little Escape hybrid SUV, I can recommend. ;)

Lisa :-] said...

I think there is probably some real merit in the idea that your brain has becomed conditioned to cry in the car. And I'm not sure that a different car would be the answer.

I'd go with the book on tape idea, or make sure you listen to something entertaining~~like Rush Limbaugh... ;)

Anonymous said...

Oh boy. The shopping stage has kicked in with a vengeance. Listen to Lexy - you can't fix it with shopping ot you'll just end up with money problems on top of everything else. Download free podcasts of This American Life. They are diverting and free.

Renee said...

Yeah, but some of TAL is sad. You definitely don't want sad.

You can always redecorate your current car--pretty seat covers, a nice air freshener, maybe a hula girl (or boy) on the dash...

Lexy said...

I'm thinking dice, and leopard seat covers. Tinted windows and jack up the back end - that should do it. ;)

Renee said...

Ooo, and a spoiler. Definitely.

Ok, no, that's an adolescent boy way to trick out a car. You need to Andreaify it and make it happy. Hey, what about one of those popcorn poppers you plug into the cigarette lighter? (Just brainstorming here.)

Renee said...

OMG! Supergirl floor mats!!!

Suze said...

Yes I agree. Go frivolous. Buy small, fun things to decorate the car.

And listen to light fare on tape or CD.

And take care of yourself!!!!

tigana said...

Get a red one, and then one of those bumper stickers that says 'Sexy Bitches Drive Red Cars' or some such :)