My family is slightly dotty about babies, and I'm probably at the head of the line in the dottiness department. So, I did some knitting for Rachel before she was born. She has a few blankets from her Auntie Andrea -although one wonders why I made blankets for a summertime Alabama baby. Undeterred by logic, though, I made them. They are at her parents' house and one of my sisters, who is already there helping to prepare for the onslaught of relatives, is rounding them up and putting them away until, perhaps one fine day, they provide solace rather than an opportunity for more tears.
But... the piece de resistance is still here with me. Unfinished. I was supposed to have plenty of time. It's a pink, lace hoop-di-do christening shawl. Do I finish it, in her memory and just pack it away at my house? I can't imagine that I'll want to give it to another baby. Do I leave it unfinished? Finish it and offer it to her parents?
I know full well that Rachel will not ever need this blanket. She died on Thursday. (I have to keep saying that so it gets into my head.) But I've been steadily knitting on her blanket since Thursday. Some part of me needs to finish this gift, apparently.
At this point, it's ugly. It's unblocked lace that I've cried all over. Baby blankets with mascara stains.... not a good look. But both those problems will resolve themselves in the wash. My only thought right now is that maybe I could finish it and donate it to a fund-raiser for research about premature infants.
But I'm open to other suggestions, up to and including "pull yourself together.
5 comments:
Well it sounds like you clearly have a need to finish it. Is it possible to finish it in time for the funeral to send with her? If not I'm sure her parents would still appreciate that memento, eventually.
I think once you are done it will come to you.
Since you ARE finishing it...finish it. And donating it sounds good. Maybe you take it to a hospital and donate it to a NICU, where perhaps a parent of an infant who eventually goes home would love to have it....?
Pull yourself together? Grieve. It's what you need to do.
Finish it if that is what you need to do and then do with it as you need to do. Donating to NICU is great idea but when you finish it, you will know what to do with it.
I would finish it, for you, for Rachel, for whomever you end up giving it to -- it will be cherished and appreciated as a piece of love.
As for pulling yourself together, you are as pulled together as you need to be right now.
I am sorry, Andrea.
Andrea,
I'm so sorry to read about Rachel... our prayers are you with you and the family... whatever you do with the blanket is the right thing.
We just got word a new one in our family was born with a 7mm hole in his heart and needs open heart surgery.
Kathy
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