My family is slightly dotty about babies, and I'm probably at the head of the line in the dottiness department. So, I did some knitting for Rachel before she was born. She has a few blankets from her Auntie Andrea -although one wonders why I made blankets for a summertime Alabama baby. Undeterred by logic, though, I made them. They are at her parents' house and one of my sisters, who is already there helping to prepare for the onslaught of relatives, is rounding them up and putting them away until, perhaps one fine day, they provide solace rather than an opportunity for more tears.
But... the piece de resistance is still here with me. Unfinished. I was supposed to have plenty of time. It's a pink, lace hoop-di-do christening shawl. Do I finish it, in her memory and just pack it away at my house? I can't imagine that I'll want to give it to another baby. Do I leave it unfinished? Finish it and offer it to her parents?
I know full well that Rachel will not ever need this blanket. She died on Thursday. (I have to keep saying that so it gets into my head.) But I've been steadily knitting on her blanket since Thursday. Some part of me needs to finish this gift, apparently.
At this point, it's ugly. It's unblocked lace that I've cried all over. Baby blankets with mascara stains.... not a good look. But both those problems will resolve themselves in the wash. My only thought right now is that maybe I could finish it and donate it to a fund-raiser for research about premature infants.
But I'm open to other suggestions, up to and including "pull yourself together.