Saturday, October 17, 2009

All right, all right, all right....

I'm still alive and still floundering around trying to make a life. It has been two years -almost exactly- since I drove into the sunrise. OK, technically, I drove west as I left my marriage, but that's a lousy metaphor. I drove into a dawning new day, thanks to family and friends.

I think I will always have to acknowledge that day -perhaps someday with some gratitude that I found the courage (or desperation) to actually do it. But today is not that day. Yet, on the other hand, it is time and past time to change that song.

I stopped blogging, though, because I didn't yet know what the next song might be. I still don't, quite. But weirdly, I think THAT might be the song -making a new life in mid-life. Acknowledging -and humbled by- the fact that I have friends and family struggling with HUGE issues, I get to think about .... what do I want? How hard am I willing to work for it? Is this house too much for me to manage? Will I ever be in a relationship (THAT kind of relationship) again? Do I want to?

And those big questions have a thousand attendant little questions that support them? How do I schedule my time to make those things happen? What kind of environment supports the life I'm trying to build? For crying out loud, should I get pink sheets or white? You KNOW I can obsess about anything.

So that's the new plan.... thinking about life at mid-life. A new life. The one I get to make -not all by myself. In concert with a small group of thoughtful, SMART, LOVING citizens. Maybe there's something that other people might learn from watching the process. If not... I'll obsess quietly, over here in the corner, where I won't bother anyone.


jill said...

Re: linens? I always get white sheets and towels, for two very practical reasons (well, I also like the way they look): 1. every week, I do a load of true whites, in hot, with bleach - all sheets and towels used during the week go into this load and I know that all linens are as clean as they can possibly be. 2. If a sheet gets a hole in it or a pillowcase gives out, I don't have to buy an entirely new set of sheets for everything to match.

So, there's a bit more data to make a decision (with the caveat that one can always just say, "Well - I like the pink sheets better," and that legitimately trumps practical considerations).

Lisa :-] said...

I don't know about you, but I have been blogging for six years...and pretty much for the very purpose of obsessing. Because I was sick of doing it quietly, in a corner. The whole midlife thing is why my blog is titled "Coming to Terms..."

Sydney said...

I understand. Having ALL the choices can be as difficult as having few. But both are much better than having none, :-)