Sunday, May 03, 2009

Meet Elite Mature Singles

I love facebook. I think it's not much shy of world-changing, this social networking stuff. I'll probably write about that at some point. But for now, I'm just frustrated at what happens every time I sign on to facebook.

I'm greeted by this handsome man, about my age, under the caption "meet elite mature singles." Doubtless this is because I've indicated that I'm single. I've ALSO indicated that I am interested in friendship and networking, rather than -I suppose- trolling for a new partner. Yet that seems not to matter quite so much.

First of all, who are the guys who sign up to have their picture splashed around on facebook? It's either narcissistic or desperate, I can't decide which. And WHAT is an elite single? It's probably meant to imply wealth. Or maybe it's code for "we know there are loser single guys our age out there, but we are not those guys." And I should believe this why? You're the one who paid to have your picture on facebook, after all. And "mature" is surely code for "old", in this case, and that kind of stinks. I certainly don't want an immature partner. Been there; done that. But jsut ick, that I'm in that category where it's considered impolite -or unmarketable- to use the accurate word. And how do we REALLY know that they are single at all? Math-Fink was playing around on matchmaking sites long before he was single. I've had women he was "dating" contact me through this blog, for heaven's sake.

I know plenty of people who've found partners -life-long (apparently) as well as just-for-now- - on social networking sites. To me, it feels soul-stealing. How can it be true that I feel this way, when I increasingly make no distinction between cyberspace and "real" space? My cyber-friends ARE my friends. I've "met" them in that loopy, roundabout way that we meet anyone. Someone knows someone who invites them into a group and we click -or not. We take care of each other. We challenge each other. We worry. We celebrate. It's real friendship.

And yet, I don't want to find a partner that way. More to the point, I don't want a life partner at all right now. Among other things, it's a time management problem. There are no minutes in my day into which to put a partner -which tells me I'm not ready to work very hard at it. There's no particular sadness in considering the possibility that I might always feel this way. It's not that a partner is not coming to me; it's that I'm not interested.

So, stop offering me "elite mature singles" for heaven's sake.


Lisa :-] said...

The sad thing is, there are women out there who just CAN'T be alone. A large part of their identity and self-worth is tied to being in a relationship with a man. While you and I can't imagine this, I'm sure THEY can't imagine the concept of being okay without a husband/boyfriend/lover.

Patrice said...

Welcome to Divorcistan; a land peopled with characters and situations completely alien to the married. There's several varieties of The Matchmaker, both real and virtual, and some are more well-meaning than others. But whether they are online or not isn't really the issue. It takes a LOT of time to get used to living in a new country, and Divorcistan is no different. It's strange and scary at first, but it's not a bad place at all, and plently of people find that they like it just fine and end up settling permanently, and happily, thank you very much. Others remain ex-pats, or eventually leave for what they hope will be greener pastures. The main thing is not to make any decisions too hastily. Relax, take in the sights, don't be too quick to judge one direction or the other as wrong or right for you. It takes a while to get the lay of the land.