tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15450512.post3602160163486748538..comments2023-11-05T06:27:24.362-06:00Comments on A Small Group of Thoughtful, Committed Citizens: How Can This be True?I Drink and I Know Things...http://www.blogger.com/profile/11608248895813409154noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15450512.post-55618905806050504582008-05-16T01:01:00.000-05:002008-05-16T01:01:00.000-05:00So you made one bad relationship choice. So what?...So you made one bad relationship choice. So what? Doesn't everyone? Those bad choices can lead to relationships that crap out after a few weeks, or last many years. <BR/><BR/>Women are especially prone to, shall we say, glossing over? the negatives of a relationship, while trying to dwell on or enhance the positives. We try to make it work. It's what we do, consciously or unconsciously.<BR/><BR/>That doesn't mean you can never trust your own judgement again on anything. It just means you've learned a (very hard!) lesson.Lisa :-]https://www.blogger.com/profile/02237889098638895390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15450512.post-695716832280076642008-05-10T08:06:00.000-05:002008-05-10T08:06:00.000-05:00I think you're right. The issue isn't so much tha...I think you're right. The issue isn't so much that I can't (and couldn't ever) trust him. He's gone. What difference can that make now? It's that I can't trust myself. I made a choice -once upon a time- that has had horrendous consequences for me. I don't feel confident that I would do any better in the future.Andrea Rusinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07100786820614125551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15450512.post-77850398399497402742008-05-10T00:21:00.000-05:002008-05-10T00:21:00.000-05:00I don't know Dave (I actually don't know you, real...I don't know Dave (I actually don't know you, really...) but you have dropped little hints, even before all this divorce stuff came down, that he was sort of an asshole. We all learn to airbrush the assholey parts of our partners, I suppose. The longer the term of the relationship, the more we learn to do that dance. <BR/><BR/>That said, it looks like he was learning something entirely different than you were for all those years...Lisa :-]https://www.blogger.com/profile/02237889098638895390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15450512.post-72643563680054675342008-05-09T18:28:00.000-05:002008-05-09T18:28:00.000-05:00Kimberly is probably right, but I am still thinkin...Kimberly is probably right, but I am still thinking head injury or brain tumor. I learned in my nursing home training this week that personality changes usually have a medical cause. He may be suffering from dementia. (blame Blogger if this shows up multiple times)Elisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00379127127623234292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15450512.post-50309117565532142442008-05-09T09:56:00.000-05:002008-05-09T09:56:00.000-05:00Everyone's divorce is different. There is no "nor...Everyone's divorce is different. There is no "normal" when this type of crap breaks loose and we all deal/dealt with it differently. <BR/><BR/>Anger and forgiveness come at different stages of the whole bloody mess and sometimes at exactly the same time.<BR/><BR/>hang in there and thinking of you.<BR/><BR/>p.s. the "Dave" voodoo doll just got a big ole pin in the "suffer erection dysfunction" spot :-)breadchickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04376772267923924607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15450512.post-16836696692631710302008-05-09T09:35:00.000-05:002008-05-09T09:35:00.000-05:00These are really interesting questions, Andrea. M...These are really interesting questions, Andrea. <BR/><BR/>My guess is that once he was the guy you thought he was. To some degree. He probably was the narcissistic jerk to some degree, too. I think we all overlook a person's weaknesses when we can see their strengths. And it may be the case that his strengths were what was present until the last few years, and you weren't prepared to have to look for that. Who would?<BR/><BR/>I think you aren't getting angry yet because you can't afford to. I don't think you've been given a chance to get beyond the shock of any particular revelation. My guess--once everything is settled and he's as far away from your life as will happen, when you're safe, you will become enraged. (I'm just thinking about my job last summer--I was dealing with shit I didn't have a chance to emotionally process. When I got home, bouts of serious anger. And that wasn't a fraction of how serious your stuff is).<BR/><BR/>I can't imagine how hard it must be to keep finding out just how far he is from who you thought he was. I don't think there is a "right" way to do this that you can use as a standard. How can you possibly do it "right" when you don't know who you're dealing with?Kimberlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10274649474631102119noreply@blogger.com